Sisters doing it by themselves

Something a leeeetle bit different.

I was just talking on twitter to the two Andreas from the CSIROTweetup bunch (@psyclechick, an aircraft engineer and @UTLAU, a science teacher) and thought I could make a kind of inspirational post.

It struck the three of us that it’s frustratingly common that people, but more commonly women, are afraid of doing things by themselves. They always need to go everywhere with someone else, and act like they need approval from someone else for major things they do. Or they act helpless when faced with a problem or a task they feel unable to do. This struck us as strange behaviour, and really limiting on a person’s freedom. People–women!–It’s cool to do something alone just because you want to and stuff everyone else.

When my husband didn’t want to come, I went for a trip to Western Australia by myself. I hired a car, booked a flight, took a small tent and travelled from Perth to Shark Bay, to Albany and back to Perth.
My family doesn’t have the faintest clue how to look after the pool. I test the water, haul the bags, take the pump apart and fix everything that goes wrong with it.
I’ve also recently become very good at changing car tyres.
When my writing buddies didn’t want to go there, I struck out into the field of hard SF alone. I knew no one else who wrote it, but it’s by far my most successful genre.

So, here is a question for you: what have you done/decided by yourself?

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5 comments on “Sisters doing it by themselves

  1. Interesting article. But I believe many women often have alternative motives on why they do not do certain deeds. For example I know friends married to farmers who point blank refuse to have any thing to do with the milking or even drive a tractor even when well able to. If they did then they would be expected to do it more often and since farming is a 24 hours job it would limit their freedom. It’s not only the farmers wife’s but I also have friends who are well able to cut a lawn but again if they do, it would be expected of them all the time. Men get away with little enough work around the house already why encourage it any more? On a lighter note I have made the build in wardrobes in my house, along with any other storage, since I,m a single parent, there is no one else to do it..neccessity is the mother of inventions. So changing fuses, tyres changed, flights booked, cars hired is all part of a single woman’s life. now who can i get to cut the lawn…

    • I agree that this is a factor. One of the reasons I don’t touch the lawnmower or the finances.

      On the other hand, I see many people, but women in particular, shying away from things they’d like to do ‘because my husband doesn’t like it’ or some other reason that means the same thing. I see women not going to things because they feel uneasy to strike out alone, without moral support and/or company of a familiar/approving person.

  2. I just found/read this … now trying to decide if I should laugh, smile of just scratch my head – not because there is anything wrong with the article … but because people don’t often blog about me! – I am the Andrea who is @UTLAU on Twitter … LOL
    (btw – I am not actually a science teacher, but I do work with a bunch of them – I am the person who gets stuff out for their prac lessons/makes up solutions/etc of chemicals/fixes things when they break them/buys the hearts/eyeballs/etc for biology class/etc … and cleans up the mess afterwards … lol)
    I do some things by myself … but there are some things I want to do, but have not got around to doing that I would like to one day … but have not had someone to do them with so not done yet, and I am not sure my husband would ever want to do them… but I think the reason I have not done them is not fear of doing them alone, but partly a hope that hubby might one day want to do them with me, and mostly because some of the things are just not so much fun to do alone, and more fun if done with someone else to share the fun with at the time …
    … which now kind of strikes me as a kind of odd way of thinking for someone like me – seeing I am one of the few females I know who usually doesn’t need to do (or even understand) that whole idea of going to the loo in pairs that most females seem to need to do – LOL
    Mind you … another big reason I have not gone out alone (or even with someone) and done some of the things I would like to do is not because I am afraid to do them alone – but because they cost too much money … if someone wants to pay for me to fly to the edge of space, or trek to the South Pole or climb a mountain or sail to places unknown, or go on some other adventure – I am game!
    *Andrea thinks for a bit*
    I guess what is right/works/etc for different women is different … was just thinking of Mum and I … we went overseas together about 3 years ago … to places my husband was not interested in, and my Dad was happy to miss out on rather than being a 3rd person “standing outside fabric/bead/etc shops while you to get lost in there for hours” … Mum and I share a lot of interests and have a fair bit in common … but she had never been apart from Dad for more than about a week … whereas my husband and I have been apart for weeks at a time ever since before we were married (the joys of both of us being in the Army when we met 😉 after a couple of weeks away Mum was really missing Dad … but I was having too much fun … yet I am sure I love my husband as much as Mum loves Dad (if one can even measure something like that?! lol) … just that things work differently … I know he is still there when I get back, and that he is happy for me to go … and there IS such a thing as an e-mail or a phone call … LOL
    The other odd thing with my husband and I … I tend to be happy for him to make a lot of the big decisions (like getting a cat/dog, buying new cars and where to go when we do holiday together and stuff) although we usually do talk about it and I guess we sort of decide together … but he tends to make most of the small ones too (what to cook for tea/where to go for tea/what to do on the weekend/etc) because I tend to enjoy whatever it is we eat/do/etc and he is not interested in most of the other things I do without him … and I don’t mind what I eat for tea if someone else cooks it – and he does the cooking 😉
    … but he has no say in how much quilt/etc fabric and stuff I have and what I do in my sewing room – LOL

    (oops … that got a bit long – maybe I should have just posted it on my own, rather neglected, blog? lol)

    • Haha, yes, there are reasons not to do things alone other than being afraid to do so, but as long as you make sure that being afraid is not the most important reason. I personally know people, but mostly women, who always need someone else to do something with them or otherwise they won’t go. That sort of thing is sad. Why can’t you go to a concert/do a course/go on a trip by yourself?

      My husband and I have always been fairly independent. I’ve been on holidays by myself, if the trip involved a particular interest area of mine where he wasn’t interested. He’s been overseas by himself so that he could spend a lot of time with his extended family.

  3. if I only went places when I had someone to go with I would not do most of the things I do – lol
    most of the things I do/go to by myself are either things my husband is not into but I am (like tweetups and public lectures and textile art stuff 😉 or stuff that is on when my husband is working (especially when he is on night shift or something) … but it is amazing just how often I end up being the only person at some thing, who is married/attached and does not have their partner there with them … although it used to be even more often when it was things P&C meetings for the kids school and stuff – which he hated going to and tried to avoid even when he wasn’t at work – lol
    I think my main problem is that I am interested in way too many things!
    (says I getting lost in cyberspace with about a dozen different browser tabs open, when I probably should have spent the evening doing some other stuff – lol)

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